


Seaside Songs

by gooseygoose



Series: wish it were just you and me [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sirens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:22:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27905170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gooseygoose/pseuds/gooseygoose
Summary: Once upon a time, Chenle was on his first adventure by himself.The consequential shipwreck had nothing to do with him, and everything to do with Jaemin.(siren jaemin meets human chenle)
Relationships: Na Jaemin/Zhong Chen Le
Series: wish it were just you and me [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1754290
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	Seaside Songs

Chenle huffs and puffs on his journey to his little cove. It's such a hike away, and it’s beautiful out which makes him extra sweaty. He has to go through some random farmer's fields, a forest, and then climb some rocks before he could reach it, but that is the price of secrecy.

But this time someone's already there. Chenle moves his sweaty bangs out of his eyes to double check that the hair is blue, and it is, which means that Jaemin is extra early this time. He’s relieved and exasperated and scrambles right up to the rock Jaemin’s laying on.

“Why are you early?” He calls out from right below.

A head pops over, and one bushy blue eyebrow rises. _Why are you early?_

Chenle ignores the thought, and takes off his shoes to scramble up the rock. Or tries to, but there’s very little space with Jaemin’s massive tail already sprawled on it.

“Can you move a little?” Jaemin moves his tail a little, literally, not nearly enough to fit Chenle, and it’s obvious the other wants him to sit on said tail. Which is cold and wet, while Chenle is nice and dry.

“Jaemin-“ Chenle’s aggravated, and tired, but Jaemin’s reflexes are fast and he yanks him down into his lap as he always does – does the word lap even apply to this situation? – and his butt is suddenly wet on a hard, scaly surface. He’s about to say something rude, but Jaemin presses his lips against his and his brain turns fuzzy. He’s kissed him many many times already, and he knows behind those lips are a few rows of jagged sharp teeth and a tongue that could easily slide all the way down his esophagus, and his breath always smells like seaweed, and he always tastes like salt. It should be scary, but it’s also Jaemin and Jaemin’s kisses have the power to turn his mind into mush.

A little greeting smooch full of mirth and sweetness, the only way his siren would greet him. Jaemin’s eyes are twinkling when he pulls away.

 _How are you today, my love?_ Chenle rolls his eyes but flushes still, and Jaemin’s grin is full of delight. _I couldn’t wait any longer, so I figured I would come early. You always complain that I’m cold, so I wanted to warm up first. Why are you here though?_

Jaemin is still cold, and still wet though, which meant he couldn’t have arrived that much earlier than him, who came early for similar dumb reasons. “I wanted to see you before you got here for once. You’re always here first, and I just— Shut-up!” Chenle smacks Jaemin’s shoulder when he wordlessly laughs at that reasoning.

Love has made him dumb, and secrecy has made it only so much more difficult. 

His body fully shivers when Jaemin’s cold claws slip under his tunic to rest at his waist, and he looks at him all adoringly. Chenle pouts over it all, but still lets Jaemin leave little fluttery kisses all over his cheeks and face. He doesn’t think he can get used to it, the way the second eyelid slides open and the pair of twinkling eyes, so full of affection, directs their entire attention on him. While Chenle has long gotten past the strange body, and the mythical creature-ness of it all, the feelings that bloomed in his own heart that truly left him stunned. He feels so helpless in Jaemin’s arms and wants to stay in them forever. 

_I missed you so much,_ Jaemin whispers into his mind between all the little kisses. _What do you want to do today?_

At that point, Chenle’s head was so empty.

**********

Once upon a time, Chenle was on a merchant ship with his uncle who wanted to take him for a little trip to new land. He had been super excited - his first adventure by himself and with his favorite uncle who was nothing if not overly doting.

The consequential shipwreck had nothing to do with him, and everything to do with Jaemin. He had been asleep in his cabin, the night sea was clear, and the sailors had been on guard – but the school of sirens was never part of the equation. When he woke up, the floor was flooded and the door was sealed shut by the water. Eventually the door caved, the ship sunk, and Chenle drowned. 

Or he was supposed to at least.

When he awakened the second time, he was on the shore of a cavern with a pool of water with no one else. There had been a small pile of embers next to the water, still warm, and Chenle could feel a cut on his thigh; a long and deep wound that rendered him immobile, but wasn’t infected. There was truly no way he could have survived, so he didn’t understand how he possibly managed to get into a cave with no exit.

The answer showed itself in a head of blue hair. When Jaemin popped out the water for the first time, Chenle was confused. Then, his hand, with his sharp claws and webbed fingers, also popped out and waved a little.

_Hi?_

Chenle had screeched when the thought entered his brain. Then promptly fainted.

Afterwards, there had been some serious yelling and crying from Chenle. Even though there had always been myths about mermaids, sirens, and mysticism with the sea, they were just that – myths. A sailor might believe them, but Chenle did not. However, when confronted with Jaemin who had dragged himself over just to fuss with his giant dark blue tail flapping behind, Chenle huddled in the corner and was positive he was going to be eaten.

He wasn’t eaten, but a lot of explanation had to happen after Chenle’s panic faded and he started entering the existential crisis. 

No, Jaemin could not speak; he was a siren and could sing, but it was easier to just push thoughts into his mind. His actual language wouldn’t be comprehensible. How thoughts managed to just go into his brain was something he could not explain. 

Yes, he was real – that prompted a soundless laugh, obvious by Jaemin’s shaking shoulders and crinkled eyes, and Chenle had to pinch himself to assure himself that a siren, a mythical creature of the seas, was indeed laughing at him. And yes, Jaemin was the one who had saved him and taken care of him. He had licked his wounds, because his saliva had healing enzymes, but it took a lot of fighting before Chenle could be convinced to stay still for a licking session. He dripped water in his mouth from a leather bag he got from the wreckage, and had been feeding him fish he caught and tried cooking.

Jaemin also admitted that he doesn’t know how fire works and just waited until the fish turned black before deeming it cooked. He said he at least chewed it up first before putting it into Chenle’s mouth, which only made him want to die a little.

He couldn’t leave any time soon, not with the wound still open and his leg not quite working. And they weren’t near land per se. The entrance to the cave was underwater, but it led to a tiny isle in the middle of the ocean where there was barely enough space for a few rocks and that was the source of air. Underground was better, because Chenle would’ve burned under the sun. He also wasn’t strong enough to swim a long distance, and Jaemin didn’t have anything that like a boat.

And the very last bit – yes, Jaemin was partially responsible for the wreckage. The sirens were hunting, and the ship had gotten in the way. So, they sunk it and raided it for treasures, food, and anything else useful.

No one else survived, but Jaemin saved him because… just because.

It was sobering – Chenle’s uncle never did anything bad, and the sailors were all just average people who were on a boat for a living. But the sirens weren’t malicious either; they did what they needed to do because that’s just how it went.

But that didn’t make sinking his family and the ship any worse. And the guilt, Lord, the guilt was soul-crushing, It’s not like Chenle had a family to provide for – so why him right? While Jaemin had been apologetic about the loss, what was he to do about it? It had already happened.

The wrong words to say, as Chenle started crying again and tried punching the siren, whose body was as hard as a rock and it hurt his hand.

Finally – the very last thing – no, Jaemin will not be chomping on his bones. But in return, he wanted answers, answers to literally everything.

Jaemin was so curious about people. Asking him many questions he couldn’t answer, like what was chicken, why are some foods cooked and some foods not cooked, what are clothes made of, what is metal, the concept of bread and baked goods had been beyond him. He had a bunch of knickknacks from prior wreckages that he wanted Chenle to explain, all of his most valued treasures, and his grin was far too toothy and full of green razors when he reluctantly agreed. Chenle felt a little stupid, not being able to explain things like a chicken, but could navigate the odds and ends of humanity to a sea-creature.

(The next time he came, he came with a fork, which he had assumed was a descaler. Chenle was only mildly horrified as Jaemin scratched his tail and a few scales came off.)

As Chenle wallowed in self-pity, mixed with the onset existential crisis and the absolute exhaustion of healing, Jaemin had gone back and forth with hunks of fish, a bunch of garbage ( _Treasure!_ He had proclaimed), and some seaweed to dry for fires. One of their first adventures together involved knocking rocks together until it could create very small, kinda sad fire that he prompted plopped the fish into. Chenle got to eat burnt fish, while Jaemin ripped apart his own raw chunk with his many many teeth.

Unfortunately, despite being mute, the siren was extremely talkative and Chenle was unable to just plug his ears. There was no secrecy between a pod, and Chenle got to hear all the drama. All of it – the cheating spouses, who gave who a scale and said who that returned a scale, and even Jaemin own best friend being caught red handed trying to throw out his most prized possessions. Who ate the last piece of fish, who striked the killing blow, who accidentally tore the kelp baskets and shoved them under a rock (Hint: His name started with Jae and ended with Min.)

Chenle was absolutely bewildered. Considering human drama novels were not his cup of tea, hearing about sea-people struggling with extremely humanoid issues was just weird and uncanny. His favorites have always been about knights and dragons, which Jaemin didn’t quite understand. _What’s a dragon? Why would a single Knight battle a whole fire-breathing lizard, why couldn’t they do it all together?_ He said that bravery was stupid and while Chenle disagreed, he had no rebuttal. 

Somehow, between all the tales of pirates and mermaids and beautiful female sirens, he had totally overlooked the very concept of male fishmen in these myths. Jaemin had snorted, because of course there were both women and men? Chenle was totally offended when the siren very much mocked him.

Maybe all of that had been the point – Chenle slowly but surely felt better about the guilt of surviving, and had someone to talk to, even if some of it was lighthearted teasing. He more willingly ate his food, and looked forward to talking about his life and hearing about Jaemin’s family, his friends, and their strange way of life. Jaemin would cajole him into talking, tease him when he struggled with his dumb questions and made him forget his unfortunate situation if not just for a little bit.

But when he left to do his fishy things, the worries crept in. Chenle couldn’t help but let his worries and fears bounce off the walls of the little cave that saved him and caged him in, wondering if his family missed him, if his friends missed him, if they’ve held funerals yet, just everything. Until one day, he finally broke down and sobbed and sobbed for everyone.

It was unfortunate that Jaemin had to witness that, letting him cry in his arms and holding him tightly - trying to soothe the boy who was not crying out of fear for once, but out of pain.

It was also then when things started to change.

Maybe seeing Chenle downright miserable melted the residual ice in their relationship because Jaemin became a lot gentler around him. He did not stop being the teasing, whiny jerk he had been, but he grew touchier as though he could somehow stop the wretched feelings by aggressive physical contact alone.

The first few times he yanked him down on his tail, he almost dislocated Chenle’s arm. By the 50th time, Jaemin knew his own strength better and Chenle was so used to plopping down on the cold hard tail, and had given up on getting him to stop. He would squeeze him in his arms, and make happy noises through these weird clicking sounds and ramble in his thoughts while literally staring at his face half an inch away.

The first time they kissed had been all Jaemin’s fault too. That was back when Chenle did not enjoy being hugged like a rag doll, and dragged onto a cold tail and was still hollering his protests – for some odd reason, Jaemin just decided to shut him up with his own mouth, and promptly decided that he liked kissing him. Mostly because Chenle face turned redder than his uncle’s after a few bouts of wine, and Jaemin was absolutely fascinated by the changing colors.

Chenle had furiously stammered that this was something people who liked each other did, and naturally, Jaemin pulled the confused not-human card and declared that he would continue giving the other kisses because of course he liked Chenle! The cave was far too small for him to make his escape, and he barely knew what to do with himself between all the hugging, and _kissing_ and the strange fluttery feelings in his tummy.

Rather unfortunately, Chenle’s leg completely healed shortly after.

Afterwards, Jaemin showed up with one last piece of fish (which Chenle had finally figured out how to not burn) and mentioned that he had something finally that could get him to the nearest port.

His stomach almost dropped to the ocean floor – after all this time in this little cave, this little world of their own, he managed to forget that he had to leave. He began looking forward to Jaemin’s arrival every day, thinking about all the things he could tell him about humans, and all the arguments he was going to win because at some point, he started enjoying the siren’s company and affection. Plus, his heart got flustered and funny around him, and it felt wrong but also felt right.

But it wasn’t as though he could stay in a cave underwater forever. Even if a part of him wanted to remain, he just couldn’t.

So, afterwards, he got into the water. With a couple deep breaths and Jaemin’s strong arms around him, he was quickly dragged underwater. Extremely terrifying – he got shoved into a tiny air bubble against the wall at one point during the journey out of the cave, and managed to breathe only once before Jaemin was dragging him back out at breakneck speed. He had no idea how deep he was, but he trusted Jaemin – after all, he saved him once already, so he could do it again.

Turned out, Jaemin’s whole plan was basically a couple of pieces of driftwood strapped together with some kelp. It couldn’t hold his weight, so he had to be pushed to shore – except it was much faster than any boat he’s ever been on, because that giant flappy tail was actually very useful in the water. Jaemin had the audacity to laugh at him when he more or less stuttered it out loud in his panic. The port lights had shown up pretty quickly even at night, but rather than dumping him where all eyes could see the siren, he navigated them to a nearby rocky cove.

There was nothing left between them – Jaemin had gone above and beyond to rescue him, to save him, and to bring him home and Chenle genuinely didn’t know how to even begin repaying the debt, or how to express his utter gratitude.

The siren assured him with a small smile. There had been no sky in that underwater cave, so Chenle was stunned to see Jaemin’s second eye open and his eyes positively twinkle at him in the moonlight.

_You’re not in debt to me, Chenle. I’m just glad that you’re safe._

They gazed at each other but the gap felt impossible to cross when one was standing on solid land, and one in the sea. There should be nothing in between them – an improbable connection between a legend and a human, and yet, there he stood, entirely unable to ignore everything that transpired.

“Will I ever see you again?”

If he thought Jaemin’s eyes twinkled, then it was nothing compared to the stunning wide smile he received. _If you want, I would love to. This cove can be our secret spot._

Almost immediately, he ruins the moment by tacking on a wild demand. _Only if you kiss me first!_

Again, Chenle sputtered. He almost said no, but resolved to steel his nerves; the siren deserved, well, he deserved at least one demand granted. His eyes darted nervously from Jaemin, who was gliding ever so close to the shore and sharp teeth gleaming, and his lips – Chenle’s never initiated before, but they’ve done this, and yet somehow this made him so nervous.

No, not nervous, His palms were just wet from the seawater. 

Thank god it was night, because he could feel his cheeks burning as he awkwardly shuffled to the edge, looking at everything and anything that wasn’t Jaemin and his gleeful face. He bent over, eyes shut tight, intent on just leaving a peck on the lips and escaping, but the siren was so much faster than him, and pulled his nape down to properly kiss him. They were not good at kissing – Jaemin’s teeth are pointy and neither of them were experienced in this area, but the fluttery nerves roared in Chenle’s ears until he could hear nothing, see nothing, feel nothing but the cold lips on his.

When Jaemin pulled away, there had been a sweet smile on his face, different from the usual teasing smirk. Chenle couldn’t even begin to process a thought before the other leaned in again and left a small peck, before he was diving off. He couldn’t even move from where he stood, leaning awkwardly into the waves.

_I’ll see you later! I miss you already!_

Leave it to Jaemin to fluster him instead of a proper good-bye. As Chenle stomped off, he didn’t cry again; it was just the seawater getting into his eyes.

Much later, when he had been seriously regretting wandering into a forest in the dead of night, he realized Jaemin didn’t specify what “later” meant.

****************

The first time Chenle sought outside counsel for his strange stomach problems was when Renjun threw a book at him and knocked him over. Too bad his bodyguards wouldn’t let him at him with his fists.

He had been lamenting over Jaemin again – or the “mute farmhand that he befriended in town” and very purposefully ignored Renjun’s loud gagging noises. Afterwards, when he kept whining into the seat cushion about what he was supposed to do, why did his stomach feel so nauseous, why was he so nervous that Renjun literally knocked him out of the chair.

It was a romance novel. While Chenle immediately protested, Renjun told him all his answers were in this, and he should thank him for being both a good friend, and a great cousin. He was the prince, so Chenle couldn’t quite get away with fighting back. 

The novel was enlightening to say the most. He couldn’t quite the Jaemin’s quip about knights out of his head, so the knight in shining armor in this take was just a little too brash for him. But the flowery language – the way the princess felt her heart beating for his bravery, her soul blossoming with how handsome her knight was, the burning sensations of love – was, while incredibly embarrassing, something he could understand. Maybe not the tantalizing muscles, or how the wind ripped through her knight’s hair – but a large blue tail, and beaming eyes, and the most annoying habit of squishing his cheeks. 

The thoughts kept him up at night.

Love? Was it love? Was he in love?

No, no way.

Sometimes, he just dreamt about blue tails and scales and crinkled eyes. What happened to him was traumatic. He never told anyone that a siren helped him – it was just his brain trying to comprehend the situation. Not love. That’s not it at all!

… Okay, maybe a little.

But acceptance didn’t stop those thoughts from eating his brains out.

How would this even begin to play out? Siren and human – sea and land. Chenle knows that he can’t survive in the very medium Jaemin belonged to; after all, they first met because he drowned. While the siren could breathe on land, could vaguely move about, he’s seen, and he knew that the Jaemin in the water was a different being all together. He had a freedom in the water that Chenle would never know, and would never find out. And he knew, from all their talks and all their stories, that the sirens lived a very different life than humans could ever even conceive of.

Moreover, the feelings themselves were a mystery. Jaemin didn’t even know what bread was, how could he possibly explain the concept of love to him? Did sirens feel love?

The thought of having unrequited feelings for a half-fish-half-man was ridiculous, and exactly what he feared.

Chenle loved his parents, he loved his brothers – but not in the same way he felt for Jaemin, who gave him tunnel vision and made his head spin. His brother did marry the princess, and the way he looked at her sometimes, so affectionately, so lovingly… Chenle doesn’t want to hope that he’s seen it before, that Jaemin’s eyes gaze at him the same way his brother does with his wife, but he held that hope. He was crushed by that hope.

Apparently, he wasn’t the only one crushed by that hope.

They had worked out some sort of schedule together after Chenle camped out at the cove for three straight days and yelled at him when he finally showed. Every three days they would meet again, and talk and play. Chenle was finally swimming in the waters now completely healed, and Jaemin derived great enjoyment teasing him and playing with him like he was some sort of water toy. As good of a swimmer he was, he wasn’t exactly a sea-creature, but vice versa, Jaemin had to drag himself by his forearms every time they were on the shore.

It was one sunny afternoon, when they were laying in the shade, and Chenle was very distracted telling him about how awfully Renjun played piano (after many fruitless attempts at explaining what a piano was) Jaemin leaned over and grabbed his hand. Just the simple feeling of his cold webbed claws around his hand made his heart go up in a tizzy and his cheeks start turning pink.

Jaemin wasn’t much better because his whole body turned one shade bluer, but he still held his hand tightly and pressed it gently against his chest. His own heartbeat was just as quick as Chenle’s.

_Can you feel this? Can you feel what you do to me?_

Chenle just stared with his mouth gaping, and Jaemin for once couldn’t match his gaze.

_Chenle, you’re… different to me. You’re special to me; you always have been. I just needed to tell you that._

Less romantic when Jaemin was just boring holes into his shoulder, and not meeting his eyes. But it didn’t stop his own elation from climbing to the sky, or his own giddy giggle from escaping his mouth. His feelings were returned, and he had never been happier.

Bravery was not overrated. And maybe the bravest thing Chenle’s ever done was to lift Jaemin’s chin and hopeful eyes and press a soft kiss onto his lips.

And with that, they sealed their own fates, and their hearts together.

(At their next meeting, Jaemin refused to look him in the eye when he handed him one of his scales. Maybe he was hoping that Chenle wouldn’t know what that meant, but he very much did not forget. A throwback to their conversations in the cave, when Jaemin had been gossiping about how this couple swapped scales. He had made some joyous clicking noises in his excitement and splashed the water with his tail. Chenle hadn’t known what that meant at the time, but just by the enthusiasm in his eyes, he could tell it was a happy occasion.

Well, he was holding a scale now.

It was pretty and shiny – a deep blue like the rest of him, and not one of the damaged ones he tended to shed. Chenle does not have scales to return, so he picked some flowers and offered a bouquet instead. 

Jaemin had shed inky tears of utter joy (quickly switching over to tears of sadness when it turned out that flowers die) and declared that he would not leave the shore as long as the flowers were still fresh. How that led to Chenle bringing flowers every single time until the weather turned cold… well his heart had been weak.)

*********************

The second time, Chenle sought outside counsel was after a disaster. 

Sirens were predators, and that much is obvious.

Jaemin is dangerous, and Chenle forgets only to be starkly reminded. When they go in the water, Jaemin goes from a slow hunkering figure to a razor that cuts through water like paper. His tail creates currents and waves that easily overpower Chenle, even when he’s just creating little whirlpools to mess with him. He dives deeply, resurfaces quickly, sometimes jumps out of the water and lands on the other, and blows bubbles that go under Chenle’s tunic.

There are scars on his chest, and tail. Evidence that battles took place, and that Jaemin emerged victorious. His reflexes surprise Chenle all the time, the speed and accuracy of his aim, even when it’s just tickling him. Jaemin mentions the hunts that he partakes – the volume of food that feeds the sirens is no small amount and the creatures they take down tend to sound less like cod and more like whales.

It makes his gentleness around Chenle so much more meaningful. When his hands are so delicate and light on his waist, or threading so gently through his hair. Or his dumb treasures that Chenle admires just to make him beam. Or when he brings Jaemin a mirror, and the siren is shocked to see his own face. He practically begged the other to know if he was considered pretty, and then when Chenle said yes, he wouldn’t stop clinging to him until he admitted that _yes_ , Jaemin was pretty to _him_. (He was so annoying.)

It’s easy to forget their differences when they were together.

But the differences were as obvious as night and day.

While he has never heard Jaemin sing and probably never will, Chenle has heard a siren sing before. 

The siren’s song was a weapon, an irresistible attraction for every creature, land and sea, and a siren’s last resort to finding food. It’s beautiful - every siren has their own song, with each note hitting a deep timbre that seeks obedience and ecstasy. Jaemin will never use it on him. 

There had been only one incidence where Chenle heard the song. They had spent the day napping in the shade again, content with just being wrapped up in each other, when he first heard the notes of the song. The pull was so strong – Jaemin’s head snapped up, but Chenle was already getting up and walking towards the sound, entirely unable to resist. He didn’t notice stepping into the water, and he certainly didn’t even bother to try swimming.

When he woke up, he was on his back on the shore again. He could hear noises, short shrill shrieks and clicks, and Jaemin arguing so furiously with someone else. He doesn’t need to understand the language to understand the anger. There was another siren in the sea, arguing back with the same blue hair and bluish skin.

They had been found and it was obvious that Jaemin’s pod of sirens did not approve. 

Eventually, the other left, but not before a glare was sent his way before they slinked down under the waves. And Jaemin cried and cried his inky black tears and ruined Chenle’s tunic because those stains couldn’t be washed out.

Moments like that stick out like a warning light – an error in the universe, something that does not belong. Chenle is certain that Jaemin could very much eat him still, sing his song and swallow him whole.

The difference is that he trusted Jaemin to never. At some point between sharing his scales, and braiding flowers in his hair, and gifting him treasures, Chenle felt so safe and sound around him. It would break his heart if that weren’t true – if after all this time Chenle is nothing but a snack to him, not when Jaemin felt like everything to him.

They don’t talk about it. Their differences were something they avoided, maybe for the sake of their own hearts to just remain ignorant to the truth.

Renjun had listened to him ramble and held his hand as he cried over his mute farm hand, and how he was supposed to deal with that fact that his parents found out and can’t quite handle their relationship. Renjun had offered him another book for his troubles, but Chenle had already read every romance novel in the castle library, and knew there wasn’t anything that he didn’t already know. 

“If you love him, wouldn’t it be fine to just be with him without his parents’ permission?”

“But they don’t- they don’t _approve_ of me! They don’t even like me!”

He’s pretty sure that Renjun can see through his lies, even if whatever truths he was thinking was definitely wrong. Chenle is the third son of the grand duke, his brother married into the royal family - but here he is, claiming to be worried about a farmhand’s parents’ approval. 

“Can’t you just, I don’t know- just gain their approval?” 

“How?” Chenle wails miserably. “There’s nothing I can offer that’s worthwhile!” Renjun faintly mutters a list of properties that his father has, but none of _that_ matters. 

What could _he_ give to a school of sirens? Cloth? Jewels? Money? He’s seen, and he knows that it’s all useless to them. His legs quite literally hold him back. 

“You could - well I don’t know why you would- but you could renounce your station? Become a farmer too?” Renjun weakly offers. 

That would be like one of those impossible dreams. If he were to even entertain the notion, Renjun would be right - he would have to renounce his station. Chenle, third son of the grand Duke of Zhong, would cease to exist, and Chenle would just be left as Chenle. 

Did he even want that? Were his feelings truly that strong? To no longer be his father’s son? To no longer be a human? To join the mysterious sirens that sink ships and eat raw fish? Would they even let him join? 

It felt wrong, and right, and most importantly - stupid to even think about because it would never happen in the first place. It’s not even an option worth thinking about. 

So Chenle cried some more, much to Renjun’s dismay. And held his sobs and cried silent tears on his carriage on his way home because the moon shone over the shore and glimmered in the sea because it just reminds him of things that can’t come to pass. 

Of course he thought about it some more - it was always one part of many many fantasies that he’s had then smacked himself out of. But they were fantasies, like how Jaemin was originally a myth. He doesn’t want to be crushed by some stupid hope again, even when it worked out the first time for him, the results of his hopes hasn’t quite come to pass. 

His hopes only lead to heartbreak. 

He doesn’t want to open his heart for hope again, but his heart listens poorly. The hope floods in veins in waves, and it’s uncontrollable and painfully comforting. It makes him want to weep, whether for joy or for sorrow, it doesn’t matter now. 

****************

 _I have something – well, one of the elders has something for you._ Jaemin eagerly informs him. Chenle, still sitting on his tail, nods with attentiveness. _It’s a spell? Remember how some of us can use magic? It’s a spell to turn humans into one of us!_

Chenle freezes, but Jaemin rambles on. _I’m not sure what it entails – I think you have to eat something? I’ll find something that you can eat! But then you would – transform? Doyoung wasn’t very clear how… but trust him! He’s the best._

He couldn’t even breathe - the swirl of emotions in him were too strong. 

_What do you think Chenle? It has to be soon though! Something about the moon._

He doesn’t say anything, and the silence stretches endlessly. In the end, Jaemin’s face crumples.

 _I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that from you- I’m so sorry-_ Jaemin practically shoves him off the tail in his haste to move away from him. _I don’t know what I was thinking, asking you to leave your family, your life. That was so- That’s unfair of me. I’m sorry-_

He moves to launch himself off the rock, but Chenle scrambles to grab hold of him. “No- Wait!”

He reaches out for his arm, but his forearm fin catches his hand instead. Chenle cries out when it slices right through his hand, raggedly cutting through his skin. Jaemin freezes at his cry and immediately stops trying to escape. Instead he reaches out and tenderly cradles the wounded hand in his own. His face is forlorn, stricken with regret.

His tongue rolls out to lick at the wound, something he once did for Chenle leg, but even an act so sweet is marred with tragedy. Chenle doesn’t know whose hands trembles more – his in pain, or Jaemin’s. The silence between them is cut by the sounds of the oceans, watching as they fall apart. 

“I haven’t even answered you.” He whimpers.

_You shouldn’t need to. I should have never asked._

“No- Jaemin, let me- let me think about it.”

The siren shakes his head. _I don’t have this right to ask you so much._ He closes his eyes, and squeezes his hand slightly. _Maybe, we’re just not meant to be._

Chenle wants to reject it, wants to tell him otherwise – but he can’t say it. His own heart feels like shattering. “Do you really think that?”

_Look at us, Chenle. I hurt you; I hurt you by just being me. How can you trust me to not?_

“It was an accident! You didn’t mean to!”

 _Even if I didn’t mean to, I still hurt you._ He sounds more hurt than Chenle was, and refuses to look at him. _I can’t believe I let this happen, I never even considered your feelings._

“No, Jaemin, please believe me - I just need to think about it!”

He doesn’t respond to that plea, just turns and looks into the ocean with regret carved deep into his face. Chenle tries to touch his face, but Jaemin just turns further away. 

_I wish… I wish I had been human instead. I wish I could’ve turned human instead, but I don’t know how._ Jaemin confesses. _I can make that decision easily - but I don’t want to put this on you._

His heart cracks down the middle. 

_Maybe neither of us should change for the other. Nature would’ve made us the same if she truly wanted us together._

Chenle thinks that nature shouldn’t have allowed him to fall in love if she truly didn’t want them together. He’s not just some toy. They have shattered the rules of the earth by meeting, with their feelings, and how could he possibly deny them now? 

“Do you really believe that?”

 _I don’t know- we’re not from the same blades of kelp._ Jaemin struggles to say. _I don’t want you to turn your family away for a life like mine, just to be mine. It’s not fair._

“So you don’t think-”

_No. But you can’t come with me._

“Why can’t you stay here! With me! In this cove!” 

_I can’t. I can’t hunt enough for myself alone; I’d starve._ His face falls a little more after. _We move with the currents Chenle. The last time I was here, in this area, there had been no castle. The currents will switch soon._

The castle has been standing for over 200 years - Renjun’s family had built it. Chenle may be the son of a duke, but even he can’t trace his lineage for 200 years. Jaemin has talked about the length and breadth of his life - in their legends, the first siren had been a human, blessed by the sea to always have her treasures. In that blessing, there was also longevity - Chenle had been the one to assume human years - but Jaemin talked in centuries. 

“What-” 

_I’m sorry Chenle. I wish-_ Jaemin cuts himself off. _I should go._

“No- please-” No, no no - there was so much more to explain, so much more Chenle wanted to know. He wanted to tell him yes, yes he wanted whatever magic Jaemin could offer him. Yes to that, yes to it all. 

But Jaemin ignores him. Chenle can only stare into the dark waves where his beloved siren disappeared. And with his siren, his own tears bubble up and cascade past his eyes. 

************

He comes back the next day, and Jaemin isn’t there. Then he came back the next, and the next. He cries some more, and swims a little, and no one is there with him. 

***************

Chenle stays up all night, lying on his side and staring at everything and at nothing all at the same time. 

What an awful decision. To ask so much of him, to give up so much and in so little time. 

He thinks about his family, his cheerful father who’s been so gentle and considerate of him ever since he found his youngest at the shore. His mother, who had been coddling him since then as well. His older brothers that have been watching his every movie as though their eyes can protect him from all evils in the world. 

To leave them? To leave everyone? 

Jaemin had said that he would much rather be the one giving up his life and family for Chenle, but why can’t he do that for Jaemin? What was holding him back? Jaemin too would be losing a part of him, the sea and all her riches, and Chenle… Chenle just isn’t sure if he’s worth it. 

He thinks a lot about the ocean, so dark, so mysterious - he can’t associate death with the darkness of the ocean because he knows better. After Jaemin, Chenle knows that there is love waiting out there for him. Maybe. 

His heart was irrefutably cracked - but his hopes are some stupid dumb feelings. They mend his heart no matter how much Chenle doesn’t want them to. 

Their problem, the sea and the land, their irreconcilable differences, all gone. How could he not want it? How can that not stop all the hope from flooding his veins. Chenle wonders why he’s constantly drowning in hope, in so much hope, in his hopes of the future, in his hope in Jaemin, in his hope in magic, just hope and hope and hope. 

He hasn’t seen the siren in weeks, but he shows up every morning for his vigil anyway. Renjun got sent by his older brother to retrieve him, and couldn’t make him leave his spot. So now, he has taken to talking to him at the rock as well. The prince has started talking his ear off about all of the “strategies” of their navy, and the types of boats and what they make the sails out of. 

In the second week, they make it to the myths. 

Renjun barely relays a single story about the giants before Chenle is crying again. The giants weren’t even about the water, the giants had something to do with their mountain ranges! 

Does Jaemin know how long he’d wait for him? Just leaving, that simply, isn’t enough to deter Chenle. He tries to cheer himself up more and more, but every day it gets harder and harder. 

Renjun yells at him one day and leaves for a few hours, but comes back ashamed and guilty. He’s so stressed, and Chenle just knows the rest of his family is as stressed as he is. Their youngest being so uncharacteristically sad, and standing at vigil at the sea. 

He doesn’t tell them the truth, but he waits longer for Jaemin. 

*****

Jaemin returns one day, tail curled up behind him, and eyes downturned in sadness and shame. 

_I’m sorry._ He apologizes again. _I shouldn’t have left - I didn’t realize you would be waiting for me._

Chenle glares at him for a little before he trembles and his eyes grow watery. “Let me. Let me become a mermaid. I’ll be one! Please- just let me.”

Jaemin doesn’t seem to want to approach the shore where he stood, just drifting out ever so far in the sea. Those big, sad eyes and the swishing of his tail. 

Chenle doesn’t like that distance, so he jumps into the water. He swims halfway to Jaemin, who meets him there anyway. And he kisses him, with all that gross seaweed breath and cold claws digging into his arms where Jaemin gripped him tight. 

_It’s not that easy_ , Jaemin begs between Chenle trying to kiss him more. _You’ll need to die- I need to drown you so you can reincarnate and it’s awful-_

“I’ll do it! Please- I want this. Trust me.”

Jaemin looks torn between hopeful and distressed, mostly because Chenle is halfway sobbing and his words come out more like noises. _Have you told anyone? Are you sure-_

“Jaemin! I have been waiting for weeks here! For you! I know what I want!” He sputters the seawater out and he tries to both yell and tread in the ocean and fight against the waves. He’s a good swimmer, Jaemin has him well trained, but still human. “Do it! Now!”

 _Now?_

“Yes! Shove me underwater!” 

_But-_ Jaemin sounds terribly distressed in his head. 

“I’ll do it myself!” 

_Are you sure?_ The siren panickedly asks. _Are you really sure? You really want to-_

“I am in love with you, you stupid fish! Yes!” 

_You love- You love me?_

Chenle shoves him away, and goes under. Tries to gulp down as much water as he can, going against every known instinct he’s ever had. He hears a strangled noise from somewhere, and the same pair of arms haul him out. 

_Chenle! You can’t just- You can’t!_

“Why!?” It comes out more like a gargle than a word, but he means it with his whole heart. “This is what I want!” 

_You can’t just tell me that you love me, and then just- just do that! I don’t want to see you die!_

“Oh.” The siren keeps his grip tight as Chenle coughs up some more salt and water, and takes long deep breaths of air. Drowning sucks. 

Jaemin flaps his tail still, exposing just how excited he is, even if he tries to keep his face as panicked and upset as possible. _You love me?You_ love _me?_

“Of course I do! Of course- how could you even think- of course!” He yells. “I _love_ you!”

_I do too! I love you too! My feelings are-_

“You’re lucky that I know you do, because you _abandoned_ me there for weeks!” Chenle slaps the water and splashes it all over them both. “I waited for you - and I did some thinking, and I will never be able to live the rest of my life like this. I know you’re out there, and what’s the point of my life if I can’t live it with the one I love most.”

_Chenle-_

“Don’t overthink this! I am doing the thinking for you.” Chenle angrily demands. “Stop doing my thinking for me for once and just drown me, and- then do your magic.”

_Are you sure? Are you really sure- your entire family-_

Chenle slaps both hands on Jaemin’s cheeks just so that they could make direct eye contact. His second eyes were open, and the green glistening irises are so blown with joy, awe, adoration - but far more overwhelmed with worry. Jaemin’s eyes were a window to his feelings, and Chenle needs to respond. 

So he kisses him, his seaweed breath fishman, whom he loves most. 

“Please,” he whispers against Jaemin’s cold lips. “Just drown me already.”

When he pulls away, the twinkle in Jaemin’s eyes are full of nothing but amusement and relief. _You’re always so impatient_ _\- but I guess I am too._

And with practiced easy, Jaemin twists in the water and drags him down. 

It’s a morbid way to end - did Chenle tell warn his family? He remembers that he didn’t and impulsively tries to thrash. Jaemin, who has drowned his fair share of people, does not let him go. He hears a vague, sound of delight in the watery depths, and hopes that it’s a good thing. 

Oh well, Chenle decides, that’s too bad for them. His consciousness is fading, and all he can see and hear are the sounds of bubbles and the glimmer of the sun on blue scales. 

And then there was nothing. 

********************

When he comes to, there’s a blue scale carefully placed on his chest. 

**Author's Note:**

> this fic has been banging around there for months and I figured I had to send it into the void at some point. this was inspired by jaemin's ridin hair, and then blue siren jaemin just took over my entire brain. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Stay safe!


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